If Drake Were Shakespeare, This Is What "Hotline Bling" Would Sound Like

“I mourn remembrances of you calling upon me at night.”

Music
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Drake’s ruminations about strippers and the life of a rapper might just be somewhat simplistic for the more high-minded, so writer David F. Brand has gone out of his way to recreate Drake’s popular “Hotline Bling” hit as it would’ve sounded like if Shakespeare himself had penned the lyrics. Using verbiose, period-accurate vocabulary, “Hotline Bling” suddenly becomes an infinitely more nuanced account of the yearnings of the heart, that would impress all but the most learned scholar of 16th-century English theatre. Brand has also given the Shakespeare treatment to a host of other rap classics by the likes of The Notorious B.I.G. and Ice Cube, all of which can be read online here.

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