I forgot to update for January so here I go.
I would say I'm a better me than I used to be. I've put much more thought into what I can become after high school. The one thing(among others) I need to work on is my confidence. I feel that's really holding me back. I still think I'm pretty ugly, but its kinda grown to the point where I stop letting that stop me from at least trying to talk to girls.
I'm gonna keep trying to improve myself until I reach what I want to be.
This is what I think:
First off, I'm glad to hear you're better than you used to be. How easy was that? Try to set goals to continuously be better each and every day and you will see what a difference you can make in a short period of time.
Despite the fact that you've probably heard this countless times before, you're still young. And I'm not saying that in a condescending way.. I'm saying that you have a lot of time to figure yourself out. It is completely normal to be feeling the way that you're feeling, and there IS light at the end of the tunnel.
This whole thinking you're ugly shit is childish. If it's really that big of an issue for you, think about some things you can do to make yourself more 'attractive'. Obviously exercising is a big one, and offers many positive results. Also, shit like getting a tan, getting rid of bags under your eyes, whitening teeth, etc.
But with that said, you still need to understand that looks don't mean as much as you think they do to women. Two HUGE things that they want are confidence and security. The 'ugliest' mother fucker in the entire world can provide those two things if he makes the right choices, and has the right mindset. You show a girl you're TRULY confident and she will be wet. Don't believe me? Read this, and I mean actually fucking read it. It will 100% change the way you're thinking about yourself:
If you're a fucking moron and decided not to read it, its about this girl who is a model by profession who met a stranger from the internet to suck his dick. Just do their thing and go their separate ways. She wasn't attracted to him by looks, but the moment she saw him in person, he wreaked of confidence and it literally made her wet. Read the shit she says, she writes very well as she's an aspiring author.
You were given a short lifetime on this earth just like every single other person that has ever lived. You don't want to waste it being insecure. Think about some things that you like to do and go and fucking doing them. You want to get some pussy? Go and talk to some girls. It's not the easiest thing to do, but I'll tell you one thing; it gets easier, and easier, and easier, and easier. To the point where it is NOTHING.
Guys spend their whole lives, and many die trying to chase two things: Can you guess what they are? No, supreme isn't one of them... They get stuck chasing money and pussy. The fucked up thing is that you can only realize how meaningless they both are once you have so much of each. Only after that point can you say to yourself "that's it?". These guys then have a fucking epiphany and do the things they truly love to do, without any bullshit clouding their heads. But the dudes who never get to that point, the vast majority of them, are always hungry and chasing it and they're just wasting their energy, resources, and life. They never get to have the epiphany and do the things they truly love, and it's really a sad, sad thing.
So don't get caught up in the bullshit man. Just do what you really love and want to do, and that's all. Everything else will happen when it happens.