HB stands for Heartbreak Vol. Missing you

I took some DMT yesterday and after the trip I fell into a deep sleep. I usu sally don't dream so vividly but the dream I had felt so real. I was at work, and my girl from years ago came in and I saw her and I said hi, I could see tears swell up in her eyes, which made me emotional. She came in for a hug and I embraced her, she wouldn't let go of me, and I couldn't let go of her. As I hugged her she whispered in my ear "Let this moment echo, feel me, find me one day in a crowded room and ask me to dance" I could literally feel my hands grip her tighter, I could feel it, the dream felt so real it was upsetting. She finally told me to never let her go and I woke up, I've never had a dream like this before, I can't even explain how it truly felt...the fact that it was unreal...yet it felt so real...

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

My life feels like it's over before I even started it...

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

My life feels like it's over before I even started it...

[Quote]I'll never be the type of person to take my life, ever. No matter how bad it seems, I feel horrible right now, but I can't see how taking my life would help me, or the ones I love. I'd never do something like that. Like I said, I always try to keep a positive outlook on life, but from the situation I put myself in, it's just hard at this point.

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

My life feels like it's over before I even started it...

I feel so sick HB. Most of you know I really try to keep a positive outlook on life, on people, on everyone...but I really messed up over the past few months. I was arrested for some stuff I've rather not speak about. I've never had a run in with the law, but I got caught up with the wrong people, I made some wrong choices, and I feel sick. My court date keeps getting pushed back for several reasons, court messing up paperwork, missing contacts, etc. I wake up every morning and feel sick, I'm disgusted at myself, I'm ashamed that I let my family down, my co-workers down, myself down... I was suppose to be back at school now, but I had to defer my classes to next semester hoping that I can get through the court process in time to go back to school this spring semester. But when I was arrested I could barely breathe. I sat in Jail and waited for my "skype" session with the DA who read my bail amount and charges. This is a first offense, and misdemeanors so I was released after about a day, with no bail having to be posted. But the whole situation is just upsetting to me, it could have all been avoided, but I just made dumb decisions and followed some bad people at my work... I think I may be depressed, I can't medicate with cannabis because I know I'll be on probation in the next few months after I go to court and get this whole thing processed. I drink all the time now because I crave that numbness. Every day I hate myself a little more, I have no one to talk to, I have no parents that care, I have no girlfriend, my friends are at school, I'm alone and I feel like my situation is consuming me. I don't expect sympathy from HB or posts that will help me, I just needed to type this out and read it out, I need to see it for myself. I know it's stupid, but I needed it. I'm so sorry mom.

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

The night that I was watched.

See back outside my kitchen I have a small wooden deck, so it would have been easy to see footprints if it had rained or something the night before, but when I looked outside the window the next morning just for the heck of it, there was no signs someone was there.  I was going to call the police if I had saw someone when I went back up to my room. But by the point they were gone like I said, so I wasn't really sure whether it would be justifiable to call the police or really even wake another person up in my house to tell them what happened, just to have them creeped out for the rest of the night just as much as I was.

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

The night that I was watched.

This was a while ago but I thought I'd share, I was in my bed and decided to head downstairs to get something to eat, it was probably about 11pm, everyone else in my house was asleep at this point. I'm walking into my kitchen and everything is pretty dark, but my eyes were already slightly adjusted to it, I have a small window over the sink in my kitchen and it's essentially in your field of vision when walking to the closet in my kitchen In the quick second my eyes passed by I thought I saw what seemed to be a figure. I really didn't think much of it, so as I walk towards the closet to get my food, I flipped the light switch on in my kitchen, the light was bright and I squinted for a few seconds. When I closed the closet door with my food I turned around to shut off the light switch to go back upstairs, but at this point I already had turned my eyes back towards the window over the kitchen sink. I'm sure most of you know how it is at night with lights on in the house and trying to look out a window, you basically can't. I stared at the window for a little while and started to get a weird feeling, all I could see in it was my reflection, but I started to think about the figure I "thought" I saw not even 2 minutes ago.  So I decide to shut off the lights and "go back upstairs", which I didn't. I walked out of the kitchen view and waited a moment for my eyes to get re-acclimated to the dark. After a few seconds I decide to slowly peer around the corner to see if I could catch anything. I peeked back at the kitchen window, and there the figure was, like they knew I felt uncomfortable enough to come back to look again. I ran back upstairs to my room (which is located on the backside of the house) to see if I could possibly see the man from my room. Once I got back upstairs I slowly peeked out the side of my window to see the area near the kitchen window. But he was gone. What's most disturbing about it is someone stood there and watched me inside my own home, and I couldn't see them, nothing ever became of it, no one has broken into my house or anything, still was a little creepy.

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

Rebirthing with a group of individuals on a camping trip / hope everyones doing well.

Slight back story, several months ago I met a group of very open minded individuals. Some men, some women. They have these camping retreats in the summer time, and I was invited to go, so I did. During my week of camping in the mountains with them this past week we did a "re birthing exercise" in nature.  We each consumed woodrose, cultivated by one of the men in the group. We were all nude, it was muggy out but it was raining when we first began to become consumed with the full experience. It was really something different. I felt like I was being pushed into the ground, and the feeling of the rain hitting my face and body was so euphoric. We all just enjoyed the earth, the rain, and each other.  Thought it was a really cool experience, we were out in Washington. Anyways hope everyone else is having a nice summer so far. Thanks.

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

Might not make it. Vol Supernova

It just that I have that mindset; burn bright, die young. Or that I wasn't meant to live until I'm real old. I've had this type of view of it for a while, and most people told me it was just because I'm still young and things would change when I got older.... But the years are passing and nothings changing....I'm into my twenties now and I still feel this way.

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

Finding Zion.

[Quote]I hope to prosper. I've chosen to try to expand my mind, this is the path I've chosen. The path you've chose involves you performing fellatio on dildos, we aren't here to judge.

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

Finding Zion.

I've decided to take a few months I have and try to reach the peak of consciousness and subconsciousness. I'm moving out of the city, away from the pollution, the congestion. We're going to a mountain house, living outside of a very small town. There's minimal cellular reception, very secluded.  This is when our mental Hajj will begin. We plan on bring strictly psychedelics, no alcohol. We hope to truly find ourselves, and each other during this time. I haven't really had a good summer in years, and I want to embrace this more than anything. I just hope sometime good comes from it.

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

My dog has passed...

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

How is everyone?

Hey guys, I haven't posted for a while, just wanted to see how everyone is doing. It's actually been 6 months since my mom passed and I feel like I'm in a better place with it. Plus the semesters almost over, but the Holiday's are a struggle especially this being the first Christmas without her. Oh and Happy Holiday's HB, hope it's a good one.

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

I've been having this reoccurring dream, or possibly a nightmare.

It was actually horrible. I was at this place, like a small white home on the corner, where I was watching myself, sitting at this wooden desk that seemed like it was almost decaying, I was writing, underneath a dull lamp, I seemed to be working, my eyes never left the paper I was concentrated on. Time sped up but everything seemed to stay the same in a sense, I was still at that desk, as it rotted away under my arms, but I grew older, sicker, unhappier. Until time stopped, and I fell asleep on the desk, which cracked in half and I died. Then I woke. I've had this dream for the past 4 nights.

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

I can remember...

How my mom use to dance to this in the house when I was really young.  [Embed content] I can literally see her in the kitchen near the sink by the back door in the late afternoon. What do you remember?

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic

[Official] CONFESSIONS Vol: Pope HB III

Sometimes I think "why wasn't it someone else", but I know she wouldn't want me to think this, so it just upsets me.

2 Weeks ago in Off Topic
HYPECHAT 0