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June 16, 2014 @ 05:17 PM
-che

Post: 322

Join Date: Aug 2010

Title pretty much sums it up - I'll cut to the chase and say my dad has some issues with drink. He used to be a nice guy but some shit went down, he turned to drink to numb it and now 5 years later I've got an alcoholic dad with anger problems and a lot of other weird psychological shit going on like depression/paranoia/intense denial. It's messed up a lot of things -  christmasses, birthdays, relationships, family life, friends etc. Just the usual consequences of being drunk and pissed off for years.

Anyways, it seems to have a crossed into the "it's fucked" category now - interventions haven't worked, trying to go sober for a month hasn't worked and one way or another after every "breakthrough" he still ends up nursing a bottle of wine for breakfast the next day. You can't talk to him anymore, he doesn't listen, there isn't any reasoning with him and you it's near enough impossible to catch him sober. He retired already so he has just spent his days drinking even more, at least a few years ago he wouldn't drink before a shift. 

There isn't many exit strategies - he still lives with my mum but he has became too much to deal with, shes considering quitting her job because she works from home and he is in her face 24/7. The intervention worked for a month but now it's getting worse - generally more abusive, more drunk and more hopeless than before. We want to send him to a private rehab retreat - it'll be expensive as shit and he will never agree, but we aren't left with many options. It's getting to the stage where even my mum is acknowledging there is a serious problem, she has kinda brushed it under the table for years.

I don't normally post often and try to stay away from emo bullshit like this but I dunno who to talk to. Other than my girlfriend, none of my friends knows and I plan on keeping it that way - most people don't have experience with this sorta stuff and you just leave people feeling awkward when you talk about it. Was hoping people on here might have some insight into these situations.

tl;dr - alcoholic dad, how do i help this guy when he doesn't want to be helped, anything and everything appreciated 
June 16, 2014 @ 05:30 PM
wh0die

Post: 393

Join Date: Aug 2012

You can't help some one that doesn't want to be helped.
June 16, 2014 @ 06:00 PM
LA_1201

Post: 747

Join Date: May 2012

Location: The SouthLAnd

smoke a blunt with him

taskforce bitch mob nigga

June 16, 2014 @ 06:13 PM
iLoveBreast

Post: 239

Join Date: May 2010

fill his bottles up with everclear so he blacks out fast
June 16, 2014 @ 06:15 PM
all_seeing_eye

Post: 1289

Join Date: Jan 2014

send him hookers on his bday

http://bit.ly/U7UkoF

June 16, 2014 @ 06:21 PM
SonOfRise

Post: 2400

Join Date: Jan 2013

Location: Earth

Awhitehippy his dad was also an alcholic if I remember correctly he might be able to give you advice. 
Good luck man

Zooey Deschanel is the most perfect person on this earth and i love her more than anything and we are gettin married #2017!!!

June 16, 2014 @ 06:40 PM
Gilly Suits

Post: 2279

Join Date: May 2011

Location: 617/781/508

My dad is the same way since my mother passed. All you can try to do is talk to them when you see them getting in those moods. Try to take their mind off drinking and be that person they can look to not for answers but just to be there and console. He will have to make that change himself and the best you can do is keep him away from those things. If it starts to affect your family drasticall, you could try to suggest getting help as a family. But make sure that he knows first because if your dad is like mine, he won't want to go anywhere near a psychologist. 

Culective.com //

June 16, 2014 @ 07:36 PM
sharkin

Post: 1238

Join Date: Feb 2014

what kind of piece of shit would troll a thread like this

fuck there's some real losers on this forum...


hope your dad can find the help he needs man. often times, those close to him can't initiate the change, but they can support it, so give effort where you see he can benefit and keep distance where you see he can harm

WORLD CUP CHAMP 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014

June 16, 2014 @ 09:39 PM
dmwalking

moderator

Post: 3573

Join Date: Aug 2007

Location: New England

Help him OD.   JK.  I've been in a similar position and it was actually tempting to think about doing it because they were making my life hell.   


But seriously, you have to do what's best for you.  Same for your mom.  I'm not saying this is the right thing to do, but it was the right thing to do for myself.  Leave them alone.   Dont' invest any more time in trying to help them.  You're wasting energy and time.  They dont' want help.  They want their vice. You gotta let them hit rock bottom and then figure it out for themselves.  I've tried helping.  This person even "cleaned up" just long enough to take advantage of someone and bounce back to their addict lifestyle.  I'm not saying dont interact ever again. I'm just saying don't invest, don't help, don't do anything.  Keep them far enough from your life that they have no impact.  Christmas party you know he's gonna ruin?  Don't invite him.  Have a private one with him later. 

guy on some broke bus. Love, Sosa. "Don't feed the trolls" initiative coming soon. We can rebuild.

June 16, 2014 @ 09:41 PM
dmwalking

moderator

Post: 3573

Join Date: Aug 2007

Location: New England

And honestly, weed might be a helpful tool to ween him off.   No one gets angry and violent on weed.  So he kills two birds with one stone. He gets to "feel good" and escape for a bit, he saves his liver, and he will likely have a better attitude toward others.  

guy on some broke bus. Love, Sosa. "Don't feed the trolls" initiative coming soon. We can rebuild.

June 17, 2014 @ 12:42 AM
johnathan

Post: 2958

Join Date: May 2009

Location: lol

You can't help some one that doesn't want to be helped.

free max b 2013

June 17, 2014 @ 01:05 AM
Think People

Post: 576

Join Date: Nov 2013

Once someone gets to a certain point in age, its kinda hard to change them no matter how bad you think they're getting. Gotta show pops he's destroying your relationship though. Record him on one of his binges and show it to him sober. Have a real man to man convo.
June 17, 2014 @ 01:14 AM
tunnelno5

Post: 435

Join Date: May 2010

Location: Los Angeles, CA

Try to get help bro, medical help. Asking your dad to quit is hard right now because not only is the addiction mental, but physical now. His body needs the alcohol to properly function. As stupid as you might think this sounds, maybe take your dad to church bro. My dad used to be an alcoholic too, drinking at home, in the mornings, even at work. The crazy thing is, he'd be more efficient at work when he drinks. My dad was a constant drinker though, not like the alcoholics you see on Intervention chugging bottles of vodkas in a day, thank God. The way my dad quit drinking? Got a DUI and spent a day in jail. He told me that jail was too uncomfortable for his luxurious lifestyle and it drove him insane not being able to drive. Real talk bro, dislike all you want but this shit is a real problem. Does your dad shake like an old person when he doesn't drink? 

http://tunnelno5.bandcamp.com http://tunnelno5.tumblr.com http://www.youtube.com/user/TUNNELNO5beats/videos http://twitter.com/tunnelno5

June 17, 2014 @ 02:42 AM
shakintheD

Post: 2366

Join Date: Jul 2009

dont have experience of this but damn that sucks, hope all goes well op
June 17, 2014 @ 03:38 AM
Wiseguy

Post: 51

Join Date: Mar 2014

Help him OD.   JK.  I've been in a similar position and it was actually tempting to think about doing it because they were making my life hell.   


But seriously, you have to do what's best for you.  Same for your mom.  I'm not saying this is the right thing to do, but it was the right thing to do for myself.  Leave them alone.   Dont' invest any more time in trying to help them.  You're wasting energy and time.  They dont' want help.  They want their vice. You gotta let them hit rock bottom and then figure it out for themselves.  I've tried helping.  This person even "cleaned up" just long enough to take advantage of someone and bounce back to their addict lifestyle.  I'm not saying dont interact ever again. I'm just saying don't invest, don't help, don't do anything.  Keep them far enough from your life that they have no impact.  Christmas party you know he's gonna ruin?  Don't invite him.  Have a private one with him later. 
This ^^ I've been through the exact same issue as you OP, except my father and me were younger so the problem was harder on him and I, it's quite sad and extremely difficult to help an alcoholic because their vices keep coming back to them. Like DMwalking said, you have to let them hit rock bottom and they will learn their lesson. My father's alcoholism cost him his family and his close friends, and the only people he had was my brother and me. He knew how he screwed up so he drank less often and recently he went sober for about a week, which makes me really proud of him because he was drinking for all these years and he finally stopped. I really sympathize for you OP and the problem burns bridges and makes the person lonely. Try to have your father do something to keep him busy, it will keep his mind off the drinking issue and hopefully it will help him. I hope I helped you OP, this is honestly a difficult problem to fix and sometimes the person just has to learn themselves that they messed up and they will stop this tragic addiction.
June 17, 2014 @ 03:46 AM
thatniggatho

Post: 762

Join Date: Dec 2012

TL;DR and as someone already mentioned :  You can't help some one that doesn't want to be helped 
That being said, it's hard enough trying to teach someone to do better sober .. of sober mind...
Imagine compounding that with them being psychologically impaired and physiologically imbalanced.
Now add in the fact that he is likely addicted to it and likely undergoes physical and mental withdraw anytime he starts to come off of it. Are you familiar with how serious withdraw is? If not, go educate yourself so you know what you're dealing with.

You and your mom have played your part. You've tried helping him on several occasions ...
That nig just wants to keep drinking.

One thing you must never forget in life. Individuals have their own free will. You can try to influence them as much as you want. However, at the end of the day, they have they do what they want to do.

Like a 2 year old, how about you and your mom start laying out consequences for him for continuing...
One thing you must never do w/ grown ass people or kids is remove too many consequences from their lives and hand hold them. Let him know you're tired of his shit and that he needs to get his shit together. He's a grown ass man. There's no excuses for acting like that.

Some people just need a good smack in the face. You've already tried 'loving' him to death. In some cases, that gives them incentive to keep doing it.. They know someone will always be there to clean up their shit.
Let that nukkah know you both have lives too... If he wants to throw his life away and be retarded than so be it ...
He shouldn't be dragging you both down with him.

I don't know.. i have limited patience for this kind of shit. Just because you're family, doesn't give you the right to be inconsiderate. If anything, he should, like you are, be giving you guys more consideration. However, he's not.. So, stop coddling that nigga.
June 17, 2014 @ 04:08 AM
REVS

moderator

Post: 3505

Join Date: Dec 2011

Location: Philadelphia, PA

My old man is like this, your basic alcoholic. Drinks in the morning into the night, etc. I used to care so much about it, I use to be so against him drinking, and finally one day I stopped caring. That particular day was years ago, my brother was out at school, and I was in high school, and my younger sister was pretty young. I worked night shifts, it was a Friday, I leave to go to work, and I come home to an 11 year old girl trying to pull her father up the stairs to his room with tears running down her face. My father apparently got smashed went to the garage to get another beer from the fridge, tripped and cracked his face off the floor and blacked out. Since then I don't care, I know it might seem ignorant, but it's just where I'm at with it, it's sick to say it, but they'll learn one day, when that liver gives out, they'll realize what they've done.

I know this isn't real helpful or constructive info, but I just thought I'd share. I hope you and your family get though it though.   

I prefer carcinogens to endorphins.

June 17, 2014 @ 05:37 AM
mrchewsasnbeaver

Post: 90

Join Date: Nov 2013

you got to hit him where it hurts op. he needs a wake up call

find every bottle in the house then write a letter saying that you can't watch your dad hurt himself anymore or something along those lines. so you decide to drink all his alcohol for him, get blackout drunk, and get rushed to the hospital. When he sees you in the hospital bed/in a coma he will hopefully realize the error of his ways and got to aa. Alternatively, you can just dump all the alcohol and pretend. ps this plan will work better if you have a little brother
June 17, 2014 @ 05:59 AM
nat turner

Post: 1736

Join Date: Jul 2008

Try to have an intervention with him while sober. Talk to him while he's sober and see what he says

http://pureandgood.tumblr.com/ IG: thevictoryspeech

June 17, 2014 @ 06:22 AM
doomsbaeisahater

Post: 183

Join Date: Dec 2012

Location: US

Get rid of the alcohol in the house and take away his money?



June 17, 2014 @ 07:03 AM
Bishop Don SpacePimp

Post: 3138

Join Date: Jun 2013

Location: Ether Mansion

Tell your mother to leave him. And tell your immediate fam to cut off all association with him. You said you have tried after a certain point you gotta let him hit rock bottom by himself and hope that snaps him out of it. If he does'nt you gotta move on and let him sink or he will drag any and everyone around him down as well. Sorry fammo but like others have said on here HE HAS TO WANT TO QUIT HIMSELF. I hope all works out for the better.

I've been known to invoke......FEELINGS. #NoPromo #NoFearGang #AntiMuffinMovement

June 17, 2014 @ 07:13 AM
iggyhaxor

Post: 1544

Join Date: May 2007

Why not just beat the shit out of him
June 17, 2014 @ 12:37 PM
thatniggatho

Post: 762

Join Date: Dec 2012

you got to hit him where it hurts op. he needs a wake up call

find every bottle in the house then write a letter saying that you can't watch your dad hurt himself anymore or something along those lines. so you decide to drink all his alcohol for him, get blackout drunk, and get rushed to the hospital. When he sees you in the hospital bed/in a coma he will hopefully realize the error of his ways and got to aa. Alternatively, you can just dump all the alcohol and pretend. ps this plan will work better if you have a little brother
World's dumbest advice right here... 
Ofc, it has an upvote.
June 17, 2014 @ 01:07 PM
-che

Post: 322

Join Date: Aug 2010

Cheers for the response guys, I did take the time to read all of them and even just reading other people's experiences about it is helpful, gives me some sort of context.

It's seems to be getting inevitable that there will be some big event soon - whether it's police, an ambulance or friends removing him. This shit has hit terminal velocity, so I'm just waiting for this big event and then hopefully just play my cards right. Till then, head low and I won't step in unless I'm needed.
June 17, 2014 @ 08:14 PM
paulywalnuts

Post: 3106

Join Date: Nov 2011

Location: Philadelphia

Tell your mother to leave him. And tell your immediate fam to cut off all association with him. You said you have tried after a certain point you gotta let him hit rock bottom by himself and hope that snaps him out of it. If he does'nt you gotta move on and let him sink or he will drag any and everyone around him down as well. Sorry fammo but like others have said on here HE HAS TO WANT TO QUIT HIMSELF. I hope all works out for the better.
recovering alcoholic/addict here...this is legit advice...he will never quit unless he hits rock bottom.  it's best for you and your mother to just leave him if possible.  anything other than that is enabling his addiction.  i'm not saying it won't be easy, but it's the only way.  as long as there are not consequences severe enough, or as long as there is still something to lose, his disease will always win. 

i master bait from time to time/// WTB: anti hero/sup jersey...medium... white>black>kelly

June 18, 2014 @ 02:18 AM
Bishop Don SpacePimp

Post: 3138

Join Date: Jun 2013

Location: Ether Mansion

Tell your mother to leave him. And tell your immediate fam to cut off all association with him. You said you have tried after a certain point you gotta let him hit rock bottom by himself and hope that snaps him out of it. If he does'nt you gotta move on and let him sink or he will drag any and everyone around him down as well. Sorry fammo but like others have said on here HE HAS TO WANT TO QUIT HIMSELF. I hope all works out for the better.
recovering alcoholic/addict here...this is legit advice...he will never quit unless he hits rock bottom.  it's best for you and your mother to just leave him if possible.  anything other than that is enabling his addiction.  i'm not saying it won't be easy, but it's the only way.  as long as there are not consequences severe enough, or as long as there is still something to lose, his disease will always win. 
Same boat homie.smile I'm 2 years dry. #Salute

I've been known to invoke......FEELINGS. #NoPromo #NoFearGang #AntiMuffinMovement


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