Might have posted this one before but oh well:
Roommate and I left the bar after it closed. Were walking back to our house at like 2:30, were both pretty fucked up. There's a church on the other side of the street of our house and whenever we don't bring girls back we sometimes fuck around and walk around inside it cause were drunk and its dark/cool/empty. Shit like writing "Thank you Based God" on the chalkboard in the sunday school rooms downstairs. Nothing really destructive.
Anyway, this one night a year and a half ago, were extremely drunk. We both get inside the church doing god knows what, but we both end up blacking out inside of the church. We wake up the next morning and there's a 4 foot tall wooden statue of St. Mary just sitting in our living room. So we basically walked out the front door of the church carrying this thing at 3am.
We ultimately decided we didn't need it since we were moving to a different house, so we just returned it the next day in stealth