I'm so with you. It's funny actually. I know ton's of people who are "social smokers" or only smoke when they drink. But when I drink it's the exact opposite, that's when I really beat myself up over it, I get the same thought's, the "why are you doing this, you know it's bad you you" etc. I've probably smoked for 7 years. I've used tobacco in general for about 9 or 10.
And I hate it, because every time my parents bring it up or text me about it, I think about my grandparents 3 out of 4 have passed from lung cancer, which wasn't totally attributed to smoking but they were all smokers at one point, and when I was younger I literally watched them pass in the hospital, which was extremely disturbing/upsetting. So I beat myself up all the time because I know what happens in the end, and for the HB tobacco users who haven't witnessed anything like that, trust me, it isn't pretty.