So what went down was...
Yesterday morning I had this panic attack at my grandparents' place cause I'm on meds to deal with depression after I had to leave my dream school. My mom's fam calms me down and tells me not to go to class. They then suspect that I've been getting faded again, even though I stopped a month ago after they caught me stoned once and later got a quad of weed that I was trying to sell from my backpack. I'ma quote Danny Brown here: "I'm a smart nigga, that do dumb shit".
So I'm subject to a drug test then a visit to my psychiatrist's office. I'm asking my uncle who took me there what will happen to me if I test positive and he basically tells me "I'll be fucked". I get to the diagnostic center and do the ceremonial piss in the cup. I leave. Then I get to my doctor's office. When we get situated, he and my uncle start arguing with me on my medication regimen and my diet cuz we have opposing views. Afterward, while my uncle is establishing my next appointment, I bring up my case again, only to have him blow me off. That was the tipping point.
I rush out of the office without him and I'm fuming in the parking lot. He steps out and tells me to come back in and I straight up yell "no" at him. I walk away from the office. He then gets in his whip and drives to my side and tells me to get in the car and I tell him "fuck no". He then threatens to call my mother and I wish for him to do so. Finally, I can't forget what he said last but after that, I stick my head through his window, get in his face and tell me that if he keeps fucking with me that I was going to smash his windshield right there in the parking lot. He drives away real quick.
I realize he's hiding somewhere in the parking lot hoping I will chill out so I'm just yelling for him to come out, walking around the lot looking for his whip. I text my dad telling him some shit is going down and that the nigga needs to pick up so I can talk with him. No response. I'm getting dirty looks from people coming out of a supermarket nearby and I tell them all to fuck off. I tell some old fuck to go clutch a cane and start collecting his Social Security. Some 40ish bitch does the same and I say something about menopause that just changes the look on her face. I see a woman with two young children just eyeing me and I tell her that her kids look like they have Down Syndrome and that the bitch should roll up. If you've ever gone on a rampage in GTA San Andreas this is the type of shit CJ would say as people start running away from him cause he's fucking up any and everything in sight.
The last lady with the kids pulls out her phone and I already know she's calling the cops. I thank her and tell her to fuck herself. I know a police station is less than 10 minutes away, so I accept my fate when two cars come in the parking lot. I get on my knees with my hands behind my head. Two officers step out of the first car and congratulate me for putting myself on the ground, and I congratulated myself cause any nigga who has watched "Cops" knows how to do this shit the right way. They cuff me and ask me what's gona down and I tell them everything but leave out the drug test because that would cause some real problems and I know my family would freak the fuck out if I actually spent the night in the pen. They ask me if I've been drinking and I say no and ask them to breathalyze me but they believe me. They ask me if I abuse any hard drugs and I say no (which is the truth). They try and trick me into admitting that I've been smoking some shit but I keep my story straight. They ask me if I'm suffering from mental illness and I bring up my bipolar disorder and tell them that I'm here because I had a panic attack in the morning.
I look to my right and 10 feet away, my uncle is standing with my doctor. I laugh, smile and greet them. Their faces are drained. We're all black, but if we were white their faces would be pale as fuck. I can tell that they didn't want me to go to jail cuz we're Nigerian and if word got out that I was locked up for some shit and anyone else in the community heard about it, then this incident would make my fam look REALLY bad. But I already planned out what was going to happen the entire night so I wasn't worried.
Anyways, I start some small talk with the officers. I can tell they're the jock type so the first thing I say is "fuck Obama" (sometimes I dunno if I actually feel that way or not, I'm hella ambiguous). Then we're talking about lifting and supplements and shit. I thank them for not trying to Brock Lesnar my ass and they laugh. They put me in the back of a caged van with cuffs still on my hands and decide that since I'm not an immediate thread that I would just need a psychiatric review.
I get to the hospital in 5 minutes. I'm uncuffed and placed in a room. My dad responds to my text asking me what I need and I tell him "too late". A male nurse comes in and sticks an IV for saltwater in me and meanwhile we're talking about Pulp Fiction, me doing more of that manipulative shit. I mention Mia Wallace ODing, Winfield's preacher scene, and Marsellus Wallace beating the fuck out of that one guy in a basement. I then mention the scene with the kid who gets a watch from a friend of his grandfather, but I mistake the watch for a coin and he corrects me. He leaves.
A female nurse then comes in a few minutes later and asks me a few background history questions about where I'm from and we're chill when I mention I'm from Los Angeles (this all goes down in North Kansas City, don't ask why) cuz she's from NorCal. She asks me if I want to watch TV and I say CSPAN (you could say WTF). We're talking about Obama and she asks me what I think of him and I say that I dunno if he can handle the nation's issues. Then, while we're waiting for something to happen, I random tell her I'ma name all of the presidents backwards. I accidentally skip Ford but get all but Fillmore, Pierce and McKinley. Damn I'm good and she's impressed. She leaves.
A few minutes later, an actual psychiatrist (not my family doctor) comes in and asks me personal questions, like drinking (I lie and say "every weekend" when the truth is I don't drink at all) other drugs ("drugs are bad for you") were you abused as a child (" a decent smacking every now and then"). Then I put on a sentimental act and start crying cuz I tell her that I'm trying to do med school to be a spine surgeon and that by the time I'm done with it all half my life will be gone and my parents will prolly hit the grave by then. I shed a tear. She looks concerned. Then she tells me some little kid (my cousin) is waiting out there with two of my aunts (including his mother) and the uncle who I threatened that started all this shit. The doctor asks if I'm chill with them coming in. I say yes.
They're in the room, minus the kid, and they just look at me. I smile and my aunt asks me why I'm smiling and I laugh, which pisses her off. We're arguing about my meds and we reach the consensus that I will try something else and that if I don't act up and pass the drug test I can control my diet and what meds I want to be on. My uncle still looks freaked out about the face I get him earlier. BTW, if any of you want to know why he was so damn scared when I got at him in the parking lot, I'll upload a picture of my face and let you decide how you would've reacted if you were him.
They check me out and I leave with the older aunt. While we go to get my medication refills, I admit in the car that I planned the whole shit out and she gets really pissed, even more pissed when I start laughing. She tells me that my parents won't be happy when they hear about this and I tell her that I don't give a fuck and that I'll tell them myself. She drops me off at my grandparents' pad. I left the house around 11 and I got back at 9.
So today I talk with my dad and he's just glad I didn't get locked up, and he doesn't get mad cause he knows how fucked up in the head I am. My uncle rolls through after I get back from class and he's really chill toward me, I scared some respect out of him. Anyways, I'm just happy I said the right things to the cops cause a suburb in Kansas City is not a place for a nigga to get locked up.
