My way of thinking is this. I dont want to live my life as a kid, going to school occasionaly hanging out with friends then proceeding in going off to college learning about stuff im acting like im interested in then proceed to take a job that i never will like and proceed to search for a bitch to marry me and in some kind of dream land make me fucking sandwitches and is hot and will fuck me alot. (Thats me hopin that last part) But ill prolly settle for some 6 and have a couple kids, never be able to do anything for myself exciting due to my fixed income and lack of success in the stock market and never be able to buy the things i wanted (possibly a nice car, a fucking basketball hoop idk) or go places i wanted (fucking dubai, fuckin canad idk) beacause of my restrained down responsibilities and boring ass hard ass life in the suburbs of the midwest or some shit. Oh yeah and all my friends are fuckin gone off and married and moved to some other location PROBABLY doin the same exact thing
This seems like the "American Doom?" (Not dream) Because i dont want to fucking live that life
I want to fucking live the life of celebrities that people talk about in their free time about how they went off to rehab because theyre life is more awesome than theirs. I just dont want myself to believe that i cant be one of those people. I dont want myself to believe that i CANT become a recording artist and make more money than the average american who WANTS to live the life that i dont want to. I want myself to believe that I can fucking live the life that I dream about some day. That doesnt mean it will just come to me overnight. I will have to work hard for it. And im working alright. Im working. Im sixteen years old and I have over ten songs finished sitting wanting to be finalized once i get those recording shit that I bought with my money off of tax returns (170$! :D). I will release mixtape on mixtape so people will hear my shit and bump it in they fuckin cars. I dont know if being whie is relavant at all or helps my cause but uh i just wanted to say that. Im very unconfident because im fuckin zitted up teen and I feel like people are shallow and wudnt want to listen to me. that was random. But im also getting the word "OPTIMISM" tatted on my forearm when im 18 because when i think of that word life is good for me. And when im oprtimistic i make good rap. Well ya i just thought id let you all know this i guess. Im venting and kina upset. (Its 3 AM ima go to bed now)
It's funny you venting nigga because buddy was doing the same thing. Nigga been having trouble sleeping lately because of stress and anxiety, all because my dad is dying of cancer at the moment. Since I'm up late and have nothing better to do, allow a nigga to open his bag of jewels (no homo doe)
Normally, in my Satanistic type mindset, I never share burdens with people I don't know because I don't think it's necessary but for some reason, I feel like imparting some shared experience with a confused nigga like yourself. I'm 18, not really rich not really poor but like you, I sort of feel like I deserve more. (shoutout to Group Home for the rhyme inspiration) All I can say is be honest with yourself. There's a fine line between optimism and naivete, don't deceive yourself. Be sure that you are truly talented and are coming from a place of inspiration rather than attempting to emulate said talent and inspiration.
Also, understand that life is prone to drastic, unforeseen occurrences. I never planned on losing my pops, but sadly, it is imminent. You may similarly not plan on living the life you loathe, but it may certainly be your fate. If I were you, I would be sure to have a contingency plan in case your "dream" doesn't work out. I would phrase more as a goal, goals are tangible-- real, certainly possible. Dreams are very abstract. However, if you understand what it it takes to get where you want to be, I'm sure you will succeed as long as you are realistic and keep things in perspective. The problem many people on this forum have is they are overly materialistic. I wouldbe hypocritical to criticize everyone else of that when a nigga just dropped like $600 last night on gear, but there's a key difference: I am careful to not let material possessions validate or give my life worth or lack thereof.
You should be wary and keep a similar mindset. Like you, a lot of my close, close friends moved away. Some of the ones I have nearby are close by but they are more like niggas you chill with to have fun and pass time, not necessarily true homies that you would call a brother. I've said this before and I'll say it again, but to some, success is concrete and mortar. We define our achievements with houses, aesthetics, and glamour, rather than defining success as having a home, depth or possessing wisdom. I truly believe in destiny and the purpose in all things, however, people may not be willing to accept their purpose may not be what they intended it to be.
I say home because we as people all need an earthly dominion where we can be ourselves and recharge our energy. To some, it's late at night in a club grinding on some hoodrats donk, to others, it's reading a corny ass Twilight book, maybe to some of the more nerdy type niggas you getting your blister on playing NBA 2K12, or you could be getting your blister on lifting weights in a gym. You need to find a place where you can seek some therapy for your body and soul whether its in your music or perhaps some other talent you possess you have yet to discover.
Beauty and things like that are nice but understand they are nothing more than good looking things and nothing beautiful ever stays beautiful forever in terms of aesthetics. My dad for example, he used to be a marathon runner, nigga used to go to the gym with me all the time. I used to run with him. Now? He looks like a starved Somalian. To me in many ways he's still beautiful (no homo and no incest doe) because he represents the man I always loved and looked up to and was to me, the strongest person in my life and my best friend I've ever had besides my grandmother, my brother and my mother. Never let aesthetics masquerade as beauty, because at the end of the day, it is nothing more than a hollow victory. That "6" looking hoe could be such an amazing person on a personal level that even if her donk isn't the most curvaceous or her tits the most suckable or her mouth the best in terms niggaconda receptivity, the friend and partner you have for a lifetime will trump any empty, shallow victory.
Lastly, beware of letting your lifestyle define who you are as a person and your self-worth, similar in the fashion you would of material possessions. Even if you end up selling insurance and end up with an average looking wife and some whack ass kids, remember: put things in perspective. Some people? They just got diagnosed with a life threatening disease and they have a timeline. Others? Maybe they stepped on a landmine in Afghanistan and now have to deal with being disabled for the rest of their life. You have it easy, even myself, I am blessed. Just remember that whenever you think you have it bad, someone else has it worse. So don't be so hard on yourself. But if it all goes to hell, just do gay porn bruh. I bet you a cute nigga and wouldn't mind taking a quarter liter of pure niggaconda nigjizz on your face. #OYYOY #BUDDYWIZDOM #NOHOMODOE
