I love my father and that hasn't changed. But since I was a child I felt he was different than other dads and when I hit puberty I began to suspect he was gay. I never had proof (nor did I go looking for it). I just kept it to myself, because I was afraid I would be right.
Today, I just let it go while we were talking.
Dad: Yeah I guess I've got a lot of secrets.
Me: Yeah? Tell me one.
Dad: When I was younger I'd cheat on my girlfriends.
Me: With men?
And I just said it staring straight at him. And after an awful awkward silence, I pressed it, and he ended up coming clean. I knew it but it still shocked me deeply to hear it said.
Here's the problem: My dad seemed different to me, but he doesn't act gay (just not manly). I think since I've always been sensitive I was able to pick up on it in spite of the charade. And my dad said my mom doesn't know and that I shouldn't tell her. And I'm sure my sister doesn't know.
I'm on the point of a nervous breakdown (my hands are shaking even while I type this and I feel my heart about to burst) because I know I need to tell my mom. I feel so guilty now I don't know what to do. I don't want to betray anyone, but no matter what I do I will be. Obviously I feel angry and betrayed by my father which means I'll probably end up telling, but I'm spineless at the moment.
Should I tell my sister first just to get someone else's opinion? And then tell our mom together with our dad present?
there is nothing wrong with it. Grow the fuck up.
