Thank you for posting this, I appreciate your words. Your posts are always so helpful and what you said helps me not falling into the trap of could have beens and should have beens and what if I was wrongs (which is why I had hoped you'd answer to this thread).Broke up with my girlfriend of almost five years yesterday due to not feeling any love anymore. I felt my emotions for her slipping away for the last half year, and decided to tell her the truth and be completely honest to her and break up instead of pretending to be in love when I'm not anymore and faking feelings. I knew this breakup would leave me feel hurt because of course I still do care for her, still like her and share so many amazing moments with her and I don't want to see her hurt. Due to conversations we've had I had thought she secretly felt the same about us and that it was an unspoken truth between us that we had grown apart, so I had hoped the breakup wouldn't hurt her as much. It turns out I broke her heart and that she in her mind already saw as as husband and wife. She thanked me for being honest and for telling her and for the amazing time but that she's now standing in front of the man of her life that doesn't love her. I anticipated this shit being complicated and hurting and I anticipated feeling guilty after the breakup and regretting it, but I didn't think it would be that hard. I feel like maybe I was too egoistical and could have just swallowed up my pride and "get myself to love her again", but I know this might just be some post-breakup-bullshit.
The worst thing is not only having to leave my girlfriend but also losing my best friend. I answered every of her questions, was completely honest to her, cried for the first time in about 10 years and stayed for about an hour because I wanted to make this as easy as possible for her. She than threw me out, telling me she hated me (though I'm sure that was some caught in the moment bullshit, I guess she somehow can't accept the fact that there isn't a real "reason" like an incident that drove us apart, instead it just happened, my emotions for her went missing), leaving me without a proper goodbye. I somehow want her to know that she could always phone me or meet me and that I miss her (just not in a "I love you"-kind of way) but I think telling her that now would make things even worse and hurtful for her. The whole morning at work I've been staring at my phone, seeing her go on and offline, not knowing what to do. This shit sucks and hurts.
Give me advice, how to behave after such a breakup, cheer me up, skip this text, I don't know, I just felt like writing this down. Thank you
I know how hard it is to break up with someone after dating them for that long. I just broke up with my ex who I dated for 4 years in august and I always loved her and always will because shes an awesome woman I just don't think I was in love anymore. When you're with someone for that long it obviously was a happy time for a long time and you made so many memories and appreciate a lot about that person. First thing too remember is, regardless of how it goes, time heals everything when it comes to lost relationships, and also at least your conscious is clear. In my situation I had been thinking of breaking up with my girl, and I started having sex with someone else and it was too much guilt so I knew I had to tell her I was cheating or break up with her and have a fresh start on my conscious. That said, I always recommend having a plan b chick on deck for break ups its a good distraction and keeps your needs satisfied. The other thing is, you can still be friends with your ex, she doesn't mean all that I hate you shit. I still chill with my ex and it goes well, although it definitely delays the moving on process. Look at the break up like this, you can still be friends and enjoy having her in your life as a loyal person you can trust and talk too, and if its meant too be and things align that way you'll have the option of getting back together. A break up after a long time is a fresh start and it will help you both clear up your perspectives. A lot of people can't properly address their short comings in their relationships until they can step out of the relationship and reflect back.
That said im in a weird spot because I have a new thang whose real fione and cool as fuck but I realize when I see my ex I still have feels for her, and some how it fucks around with my happy feels game. I hoping time will work all that out by itself.
I really hope to reconnect with her once time passed because - as you said - I would enjoy having her in my life as a loyal friend with the option of getting back together should things pan out that way. I do fear the "ex fucking up my happy feels game"-thing you described though.