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August 23, 2012 @ 01:44 AM
slammedb5

Post: 116

Join Date: Jun 2011

So I'm a movie theater manager and I handle customer complaints multiple times every shift but I just had the worst encounter in years. During the week we have discount days in order to bring in people and Wednesday is the senior discount day. Hope springs is the popular movie for seniors this week and since its in a small theater it gets pretty packed. Mind you older folks do tend to have unpleasant scents especially when a bunch are in close proximity. But one customer in particular ha thee worst BO I have ever smelled and I had to hear at least 5 separate complaints about the guy. So with that many complaints I had no choice but to try and remove him from the theater. I felt bad having to kick out a guy and give him passes to come back all because he smelled like a rancid butthole. Hopefully he washes himself before returning.
August 23, 2012 @ 01:46 AM
MUSASHI

Post: 926

Join Date: Jan 2012

Location: SJ

So I'm a movie theater manager and I handle customer complaints multiple times every shift but I just had the worst encounter in years. During the week we have discount days in order to bring in people and Wednesday is the senior discount day. Hope springs is the popular movie for seniors this week and since its in a small theater it gets pretty packed. Mind you older folks do tend to have unpleasant scents especially when a bunch are in close proximity. But one customer in particular ha thee worst BO I have ever smelled and I had to hear at least 5 separate complaints about the guy. So with that many complaints I had no choice but to try and remove him from the theater. I felt bad having to kick out a guy and give him passes to come back all because he smelled like a rancid butthole. Hopefully he washes himself before returning.

HAHAHAH dead at rancid butthole
August 23, 2012 @ 02:31 AM
Panther.

Post: 1778

Join Date: Apr 2012

Location: Miami, FL

I was taking a shit at school one time, and this nigga runs into the bathroom bangin on the door and yellin at me to come out cuz he has to take a shit and the other stall is closed off. I tell him nah,and he's gonna have to wait. So about 15 seconds later i hear gruntin and shit, so i try my best to ignore it till im done......I get out the stall to see this nigga takin a shit in the urinal.

suprised

holy fuck im deaded

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Florida State Seminole

August 23, 2012 @ 03:16 AM
iAmSofaKing

Post: 1515

Join Date: Jun 2011

Location: Toronto

Had this black co worker who looked like Lupe Fiasco, me and all my other co worker legit thought he was retarted. He would bum smokes off customers and other co workers. And you never see him on his shift, hes always just chilling in the smoke area outside.

One time he came up to me asking me how much money i had on me, i said "like 2 dollars" he goes "can you buy me a hot dog?" Im thinking in my head you can afford 50 cent hot dogs nigga? This other time he goes up to my co worker and asks if he can take a bite out of his hot dog.

Two incidents with drinks, my work provides us with cups so we can get refills at the fountain. One time this idiot asks if he can take a sip out of my drink. I said cups were free. And this other time as my Chinese co worker is walking in from break he sees this guy taking a sip out of his cup. He goes "what the hell man that my cup!". Funniest shit in my life. The idiot got fired 1 week after he got hired

Sorry i couldnt put it in a funnier way.

For Sale: Large Navy Supreme Floral Polo WTB: Medium Black Supreme Roses Football Top

September 4, 2012 @ 01:59 PM
♥♥♥♥☮☮☮☮☮♥♥♥♥♥⚐⚑☺☺☺

Post: 1608

Join Date: Jul 2012

Location: Pretty boy central

Jacked off to mom porn this morning, didn't know it was, halfway in. couldn't go back

Fml.

https://soundcloud.com/tobiokami/okami-tobiokami https://soundcloud.com/tobiokami/okami-tobiokami MY MUSIC---

September 5, 2012 @ 06:42 AM
dyelawn

Post: 72

Join Date: Oct 2008

Location: MPLS YO!

College roommate called when he got my number from the school the other day and after he told me who he was I said "sup" and he was like "nice to meet you too". That's just a bit but the whole conversation was stupid awkward.
September 5, 2012 @ 07:02 AM
veryrareandbased

Post: 2720

Join Date: Aug 2012

Location: Where Drake be at

That awkward moment when I was about to go for a goodbye hug to this cute girl and I decked her with the brim of my hat..right in her eye. fml

#HANSUMBOYZ / "I mean I just wanted the pussy tbh."- Thad #FREETHAD

September 5, 2012 @ 07:19 AM
Jim Jardashian

Post: 3900

Join Date: Aug 2007

You a short ass fuck
September 5, 2012 @ 07:27 AM
veryrareandbased

Post: 2720

Join Date: Aug 2012

Location: Where Drake be at

You a short ass fuck

haha. naw it was actually inside the car when i was about to do it. makes it even worse.

#HANSUMBOYZ / "I mean I just wanted the pussy tbh."- Thad #FREETHAD

September 5, 2012 @ 07:39 AM
Principal Buttsavage

Post: 297

Join Date: Sep 2009

Location: La Jolla, CA

Lol I got a couple but they kind of make me seem like an asshole.

I was at the airport at the beginning of the summer and I got a drink from one of the stores in the gate area. I put my drink in one of the side drink pockets on my backpack and apparently i didnt screw the top on good enough and the drink started leaking when i put my bag in the chair. So im sitting there for about five minutes and when i get my drink for another sip, i see a huge puddle of sweet tea in the seat next to me. As I'm looking at it, I notice a woman who noticed me spill all this shit. It was early as hell and I didn't feel like cleaning it up so like a dumbass, I just try to casually walk away cause I wasn't even at my gate (the airport was packed as shit). So as I'm trying to escape the woman is just screaming " HEY! HEY! YOU'RE NOT GONNA CLEAN THIS UP! HEY!" So now all these people are looking at me when I try to awkwardly jog off. So I just went to some random gate, put on my headphones and faked sleeping until i my time to board. In retrospect I should've just cleaned it up and not been a lazy asshole but whatever.

So I'm walking around the dorms on campus and theres this blind guy that lives in the dorms. Anyway, I'm coming up to a turn on the sidewalk and he's coming the other direction to where I'm about to turn and I know he's about to turn my direction because his dorm is that way. I can already tell this is gonna be awkward cause there isn't enough room for both of us to make this turn because he's waving his cane on the sidewalk. Also theres bushes so i can't just walk off the sidewalk. So as I get up to him at the turn, I just jumped his cane like I was dodging a sword swipe or something and kept it moving. I still wonder if he even knew I was there.
September 5, 2012 @ 09:15 AM
filthavenue

Post: 1247

Join Date: Dec 2010

Location: vancouver

Pretty sure he knew. You'd be surprised what blind people can sense.

http://filthavenue.tumblr.com/

September 5, 2012 @ 01:58 PM
oneallah

Post: 3481

Join Date: Mar 2012

Location: in yo closet

that awkward moment when you find yourself waking up in a tigers cage at the zoo and your mom with your friends is laughing at you
January 7, 2013 @ 09:39 PM
It's Only Hype

Post: 5610

Join Date: Jan 2008

that awkward moment when you overhear your neighbor say she got jizz on her foot

The weird thing is, I don't think she has anyone over,

but she does have two dogs tho suprised
January 8, 2013 @ 04:46 AM
ATLchop

Post: 197

Join Date: May 2012

Probably the most awkward sexual experience I've had in my life.

I used to go to a private k-12 school 45 minutes away from my house so there was a long commute back and forth. One day me and this cute, older jewish girl who I would flirt with on the reg were on the bus with like 5 other kids. Normally the bus was full but today for some reason it wasn't. Typically the older kids sat in the back and the young fucks sat in the front, so me and her were the only people in the back of the bus. I was in 7th grade and she was in 9th. She texted me telling me to come to her seat, and me being the clueless 12/13 year old I was, I asked why? She just texted again saying "just come to my seat". I head over and as soon as my ass hits the seat she grabs at my belt, undoes it, and pulls my pants down. I'm just like "oh shit, what're you doing?" because I was 12, shit like this was my fantasy..couldn't believe it was actually happening. She responds with something like "you're so fun to talk to and cute, I've been wanting to do this for a while" or some corny shit like that and proceeds to fucking straight up grab my dick and jerk it. I'm like cool and try to settle in, imagining what it'll be like to finally bust on a bitch. She asks to switch seats because she does it better with her left hand or something. It was weird.

Have in mind that this was a private school, so she was dressed like a fucking school girl and everything down to a tee. Shit was straight out of a porn flick. She tells me to finger her through the shorts under her skirt, so I'm thinking hell yeah, I'm finally touching some pussy this is the best day of my life. I started doing it and she started moaning, which freaked me out so I stopped. Partially because because I didn't wanna get caught being loud, and partially because I just didn't know wtf to do the shit was intense and I was 12/13. After I stop she just keeps going....and going......and going.....and going. Honestly it was the worst handjob I've ever had in my life, my shit was in pain.

After like 25 minutes I told her to stop and that it was cool, I just didn't want to do it on the bus....knowing damn well that shit was garbage. The bitch was a freak though, there was this little 4th grade girl who she hated on the bus. After I got off at my stop, she texted me and told me she made the girl high five her with the jackoff/precum hand. Just nasty. Worst is that the little girl was my little sister's friend and she would always be at my house, I was always reminded that at one point in time my cum was in her hands. I saw her the next day and shit was hella awkward then, and for the rest of the school year when we rode the bus together and all the other kids were on. Whenever we talked or made eye contact I could feel that sexual tension....shit was too intense for a kid as young as I was.

I switched schools 2 years later and one day she randomly hit me up and we started talking. I brought the incident up about how she was my first taste and how disappointed I was jokingly and she was cool and joked along also. Shit, I should hit her up today.

Shit was sooooo awkward back then though. 25 minute epic awkward handjob story.
January 8, 2013 @ 06:09 AM
bjornvan

Post: 1222

Join Date: Sep 2012

man I got a crapload of awkward situations lol

I had the runs so I took a huge shit in the morning at home before school and I had on some silk boxers...Went to school (8th grade ) it was last period.I went to sit at my desk and it was this bitch sitting behind me, and back then I use to sag my pants so my ass was all out and she got a big whiff as my ass as im sitting down and she yells eww you smell like throw-up ! extra loud and she was like one of them quiet students.Everybody starts to laugh at me,I was a class clown so I said some dumb shit to try to save face . I think I said I sat in something and my teacher (cool black dude mid 20's) was like naw nigga you need to wash yo ass..He always play basketball with me and my friends after school so like for the remainder of the school year he always brought that shit up while we playing basketball lool
At first I thought damn I might have been smelling like shit all day but i remembered I had P.E before that class and the sweat and all that ...
Never wore silk boxers again.I cleaned my ass thoroughly but them silk boxer multiplied the remaining stench by 100

edit":
another one
back in highschool there was this abandoned house ( well not abandoned
but for sell but the locks was broke) that people use to skip
school/class/ bust down bust-downs in.So I skipped class one day by
myself.I went to the house and it was locked but pushed the door hard
and it opened.I was in that bitch smoking on the phone whatever then
these people pull up in the driveway. Im like FUCK!!.So i jumped down
stairs was about to go out back but had tall ass fence, I was about to
go in basement but it was dark and dirty as fuck so I said fuck that.I
ran back up stairs and hid in a closet.I hear them come up stairs they
was talking but I couldnt hear them.But they came in the room and
somebody tried to open the door to the closet I was in but I was holding
the handle.And they pulled hard and it opened by like half a inch and
closed back so they could tell somebody was trying to keep it closed
from the inside.So it goes quiet.I sit for like 10 mins then I leave the
closet.Looked outside  they left so I dipped.And when I was walking out
the neighbor was looking at me at her door step on the phone I was like OH SHIT !so i took the fuck off.
Crazy thing is after I left that school the next year 2 kids got locked up for breaking and entering in one of them houses
January 8, 2013 @ 06:55 AM
012796

Post: 477

Join Date: May 2011

Location: Los Angeles, CA

One time in middle school, I was holding in a big ass fart during class and the teacher made a joke so right when I laughed, I let out a loud and wet ass fart, and the whole class fell silent and looked in my direction. Luckily at that very moment, one of my homies was bending down so I laughed and pointed at him. Nigga was humiliated the whole year for that, never told him it was me aha.

Just last week, I told my friend to park on the side while I ran in the store and grab something real quick. I got my shit and ran out of the store and  jumped into the car and was like "lets go bitch". A big ass black guy turned around and was like "what the fuck you doing in my car?". turns out my friend moved his car and a similar car parked in his place... got the fuck out of the car as quick as i could

EDIT: ANOTHER STORY. I remember when I was little i went to Marshalls with my mom. I'm that kid that likes to fuck around. So I left the area a bit and I came back and saw a woman that looked like my mom pushing a cart. SO the woman leaves the cart unattended and I decide to take the cart with her purse still ont here and scooter with it real quick since I thought it was my moms. I scooter on the shopping cart and the woman runs up yelling "hey that kid is stealing my purse!!!". I stopped and everyone is the store was staring at me. awkwardest moment ever.
January 8, 2013 @ 07:02 AM
HansumBasedFlexDaddy

Post: 392

Join Date: Oct 2012

that awkward moment when you find yourself waking up in a tigers cage at the zoo and your mom with your friends is laughing at you
That awkward moment when you make up a story to get attention from the HB forums.

Hansum + Based = Perfection

January 8, 2013 @ 07:06 AM
$$$$$

Post: 1776

Join Date: May 2011

Location: NY

drunk taking a piss on someone's fence when a car rolls up and someone yells "Yo wassup drunky!" and I replied "haha not much, wassup dudes!" Then I turn around and see two cops walking towards me. sad Now i have court on Valentines Day and two tickets to pay. Oh wellz.
January 8, 2013 @ 07:13 AM
sweettits

Post: 133

Join Date: Oct 2012

First story: Years ago,went to ask out chick, my friend calls her over saying " ___ has something to tell you" , at this point I'm neeeervous to the point where my hand is shaking madly, she comes up to me, and I as I begin to speak, I notice 12 classmates of mine are watching only a few feet away from me, I continue to speak but my voice quivers insanely, so  insanely that I just walked away as people laughed at me and this chick looks at me in confusion

Second Story: I'm about 6 years old at this time,I was in a Barnes&Noble, I was searching around for my mom when I spot this person wearing a jacket almost identical to the one my mom was wearing that same day, her complexity from the back of her head was similar too, I walk up to her, didn't even bother to take a glance at her face, and just laid against her,hugging her for around a good minute until I realize...my mom's not even in this store.. looked up to see her face and...ran the fuck outta there
January 8, 2013 @ 05:00 PM
REVS

moderator

Post: 3583

Join Date: Dec 2011

Location: Philadelphia, PA

drunk taking a piss on someone's fence when a car rolls up and someone yells "Yo wassup drunky!" and I replied "haha not much, wassup dudes!" Then I turn around and see two cops walking towards me. Now i have court on Valentines Day and two tickets to pay. Oh wellz.
I remember my first beer.

I prefer carcinogens to endorphins.

January 8, 2013 @ 05:37 PM
eidaow

Post: 1150

Join Date: Sep 2010

Location: canada

couple years ago i was in cali and i was at some mall with my family to see a movie. so the movie wasnt starting for bout another hour, so i decided to walk around and check shit out. i remember walking around and then i get a whiff of dog shit, so i'm just like what the fuck, why am i smelling dog shit, how come i can't escape this stench? then i find out that someone brought their little bitch made chihuahua  to the mall and let it shit on the ground and never picked it up. i ended stepping in it without noticing, i went to the washroom and managed to remove most of it with toilet paper but the stench was still there. i ended up having to watch the whole movie while sitting there breathing in this dog shit. i dumped a bunch of popcorn on the floor and stepped in it to mask a bit of the smell tho. it was still awkward as fuck 

~ h a n s u m ~

January 8, 2013 @ 06:52 PM
*ER!C

Post: 2493

Join Date: May 2008

Location: Queens, NY

^lmao at dumping the popcorn
January 9, 2013 @ 12:36 AM
Uranium

Post: 2

Join Date: Dec 2012

I was trying to join a conversation with my friends but they kept talking between each other and i just stood there mouth open like i'm gonna say something. for a solid few minutes. Waiting for the right time to say something. 

I slipped away in embarrassment. sad
January 9, 2013 @ 12:56 AM
DarianaGrande

Post: 3741

Join Date: Jan 2009

Location: Los Angeles

I was chilling with my friend and his girl, recording music and shit. We ask her if she wants to get on a track  to fuck around and she writes some hella depressing emo shit about how she had a miscarriage. Starts crying and tells us about how she fell onto her stomach, went to the bathroom and basically shitted out the baby with the umbilical cord and all. Got quiet as fuck and I just left.  

http://soundcloud.com/anonymousnigger

January 9, 2013 @ 01:04 AM
sweettits

Post: 133

Join Date: Oct 2012

I was trying to join a conversation with my friends but they kept talking between each other and i just stood there mouth open like i'm gonna say something. for a solid few minutes. Waiting for the right time to say something. 

I slipped away in embarrassment. 
Dude that irritates me ( just about everyone) so much, sometimes I wait too long for a right moment that what I was gonna say is not even relevant to the conversation anymore
January 9, 2013 @ 01:17 AM
.kciN

Post: 1476

Join Date: Apr 2010

Location: Paradise

I was chilling with my friend and his girl, recording music and shit. We ask her if she wants to get on a track  to fuck around and she writes some hella depressing emo shit about how she had a miscarriage. Starts crying and tells us about how she fell onto her stomach, went to the bathroom and basically shitted out the baby with the umbilical cord and all. Got quiet as fuck and I just left.  
hahahaha holy shit 
January 9, 2013 @ 01:33 AM
westpittsburg

Post: 30

Join Date: Jan 2013

First post. Been lurkin for a minute. Anyways, new neighbors moved into our apartment complex, they live right below us, young married couple with a 1 year old. So been noticing every other day whenever the husbands at work, that the wife be going to this one dudes apartment who stays across from us. I see them always leaving his apartment tgether when I see them she sees me and just waves like nthings wrong, not sure if they justriends or not but I don't see that dude around when the husbands there. I was thinking if I should tell her husband what I been noticing, but I don't want it to be weird if nothing really was happening. Serious replies.
January 9, 2013 @ 01:35 AM
Hades

Post: 192

Join Date: Jul 2012

Location: 404

I was over at my boi's place one day chillin, using that niggas internet and shit and decided to go to pornhub rite quick.So i click on a thumbnail that would suit my interests and to my surprise the volume was all the way turnt up. For about 1-2 seconds the whole apartment was consumed by the sound of a dude bustin nuts all over a bitches face...his mom was downstairs the whole time....
January 9, 2013 @ 02:05 AM
sweettits

Post: 133

Join Date: Oct 2012

I was over at my boi's place one day chillin, using that niggas internet and shit and decided to go to pornhub rite quick.So i click on a thumbnail that would suit my interests and to my surprise the volume was all the way turnt up. For about 1-2 seconds the whole apartment was consumed by the sound of a dude bustin nuts all over a bitches face...his mom was downstairs the whole time....
What would you say if she asked what that noise was hahaha?
January 9, 2013 @ 02:08 AM
Hades

Post: 192

Join Date: Jul 2012

Location: 404

I was over at my boi's place one day chillin, using that niggas internet and shit and decided to go to pornhub rite quick.So i click on a thumbnail that would suit my interests and to my surprise the volume was all the way turnt up. For about 1-2 seconds the whole apartment was consumed by the sound of a dude bustin nuts all over a bitches face...his mom was downstairs the whole time....
What would you say if she asked what that noise was hahaha?
lmaoo ion even know bruh probably wouldve been petrified by embarrassment and wouldnt be able to say shit 

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