I was on the Buying and Selling Facebook page and some guy was selling his 9/10 Paisley camp for 50 bucks. (50 bucks for a Paisley? I knew this should have been a red flag). But I hit him up anyway and he said to meet him around where SupNY is. That area's pretty safe, so I didn't think I was getting myself into any danger. But boy was I fucking wrong.
When I get to the street corner where the guy was supposed to be at, no one was there. I was literally standing there like a fucking idiot for a good 20 minutes. Suddenly, some dude comes down the street and he's wearing a really long black trench coat and white gloves. I started to get really fucking scared and I was about to just go home, but I really wanted this Paisley camp. The guy was getting closer closer to me and I tried to look like I didn't notice him. He's behind me and then he places his hand on my shoulder. I turn around, my first clenched and ready to punch him in the face.
But then there it is. The Navy Paisley Camp. I guess he took it out of his trench coat when I wasn't looking. I start laughing and I'm like "Dude, why the fuck did you have to scare me like that?" He laughs too and says "I have to wear this outfit for a school play man. Sorry if I creeped you out." So I reach in my wallet to take out my 50 dollar bill and then I hand it over to him. I'm like "Alright, see ya later man" or some variation of that. Meetups are hella awkward after you make the transaction, so I just wanted to split ways as quickly as possible.
This is where shit goes to fucking hell for me. I get about two blocks down from where we did the meetup, and then I turn around and see this motherfucker who just sold me the Paisley camp HAULING ASS. I'm like "Fuck this, not again", and I start speeding up to get to the subway entrance quicker. Now I don't know how this happened, but this dude must have been Usain Bolt's long lost son because he fucking CHARGES me and rams me onto the ground. I drop the Paisley camp and then he picks it up. I knew he was robbing me and I didn't want to end up dead, so I just stayed on the ground and didn't attempt to fight back.
But then he just still continues punching me. He just punches and punches and eventually fucking kicks me in the head. My nose started bleeding and I was crying and begging him to stop. The part that got me mad about this was that being in NYC, there were a fuck ton of people around, but no one was even TRYING to help me. I'm at the verge of passing out from losing so much blood and I just say to the guy "What do you want from me?" He stops beating the shit out of me, leans over my near lifeless body, and says "Imma need about tree fiddy". It was about this time that I realized my attacker was not a murderous devil inside of a trench coat intent on beating me within an inch of my life, but rather a 500 foot tall creature from the Paleolithic Era.