April 21, 2008 @ 05:49 PM
prolifick21

Post: 551

Join Date: Nov 2007

Location: N Y C // WORLD

Hi Guys,

I'm taking a japanese class at my school and I have to make up a skit for my final project. I already wrote it out but it would be nice if someone who is fluent/knows it well could look at it to make sure it makes sense. And to help me correct any grammatical errors. All help/suggestions would be much appreciated, i gotta turn this in tomorrow so it's down to the wire.


here it is:

the requirements are that both people use at least 3 of the grammars, and each person must have atleast 7 sentences.

Grammars
1. tte = I heard
2. tara = used in an if statement
3. nakutemoii desu = you don't need to do something
4. mitai desu = looks like
5. mae ni = before something

The setting is two friends meet each other a years after they graduated from college together.
one of them is a successful business man the other is a bum.

Heres what my partner and I came up with.

T: May I have some money?/ Do you have any spare change?
Sumimasen, okane o kurete kurenai?
すみません、お金をくれてくれない?

E: Yes, *gives him some money* is this good? Alright, Bye
Hai, Ii desu ka? Jaa Sayounara.
はい、いいですか?じゃあさようなら。

T: can you wait a second?/Please wait, Didn’t we study Japanese together before I graduated.
Chouto matte kurenai. Watahshi ni sougiyou suru mae ni isho ni nihongo o benkyou shimasenka?
ちょっとまってくれない。わたしにそうぎようするまえにいしょに日本語勉強しませんか?

E: Is that so? Ah I remember now. You look hungry. Do you want to go someplace for dinner?
Aa sou desu ka. Anata wa onaka ga suiteiru iru mitai desu. Konya, dokoka ni tabe ni ikou?
ああそうですか。あなたはおなかがすいているみたいです。こんや、どこかに食べに行こう? 

*at the restaurant
T: It looks like you have become rich.
Okane mochi o naru mitai desu.
お金持ちをなるみたいです。

E: Yes, I own a company. I heard you were also rich. What happened?
Watahshi was kaisha o shosuru desu. Atnata mo okane mochi ga arutte. Dou shitan desu ka?
私は会社をしょするです。あなたもお金持ちがあるって。どうしたんですか?

T: I bought too many lottery tickets. Now I’m poor.
Watashi wa takarakuji o kaisugimashita. Ima, watashi wa binbou desu.
私はたからくじを買いすぎました。今、私はびんぼうです。

E: Really? That’s too bad. Before I became rich, I could not buy/afford shoes.
Hontou desu ka? Zan nen desu ne. kutsu o kaerenakatta mae ni okanemochi o narata.
本当ですか?ざんねんですね。くつをかえれなかった前にお金持ちをならた。

T: I heard that your company is big.
Anata no kaisha wa ookitte.
あなたの会社は大きいって。

E: Yes it is. You don’t need to worry. I will hire you if you don’t buy anymore lottery tickets.
Hai sou desu shinpainakutemoii desu. Anata ni niyatotara, takarakuji o kaenai.
はいそうですしんぱいなくてもいいです。あなた二にやとたら、たからくじを買えない。

T: Thanks.
Arigatou
ありがおう。
April 21, 2008 @ 07:27 PM
prolifick21

Post: 551

Join Date: Nov 2007

Location: N Y C // WORLD

ok i made some more corrections. does this make more sense now?

T: May I have some money?/ Do you have any spare change?
Suimasen, okane o kashite kuremasenka?
すみません、お金をかしてくれませんか?

E: Yes, *gives him some money* is this good? Alright, Bye
Hai, Ii desu ka? Jaa Sayounara.
はい、いいですか?じゃあさようなら。

T: can you wait a second?/Please wait, Didn
April 21, 2008 @ 11:16 PM
Dugout

Post: 219

Join Date: Dec 2007

yes
April 22, 2008 @ 02:07 AM
Replicant

Post: 366

Join Date: Jan 2008

Location: Sydney / Nagano

Without exactly doing your homework for you...

kurenai is pretty direct.
Just stick to kudasai.

T: can you wait a second?/Please wait, Didn’t we study Japanese together before I graduated.
Chouto matte kurenai. Watahshi ni sougiyou suru mae ni isho ni nihongo o benkyou shimasenka?
ちょっとまってくれない。わたしにそうぎようするまえにいしょに日本語勉強しませんか?


You spelt the word for graduate wrong.
It's sotsugyou -> 卒業
Watch your past/present tense as well.
卒業した前に - Past tense.

T: It looks like you have become rich.
Okane mochi o naru mitai desu.
お金持ちをなるみたいです。

When using なる As in become, The particle before is  に。
お金もちになるみたい。
Again your tense is incorrect.
お金持ちになったみたい。

E: Really? That’s too bad. Before I became rich, I could not buy/afford shoes.
Hontou desu ka? Zan nen desu ne. kutsu o kaerenakatta mae ni okanemochi o narata.
本当ですか?ざんねんですね。くつをかえれなかった前にお金持ちをならた。


You've mixed up the subject matter in that sentence.
お金持ちになった前に、靴を買われなかった。

E: Yes it is. You don’t need to worry. I will hire you if you don’t buy anymore lottery tickets.
Hai sou desu shinpainakutemoii desu. Anata ni niyatotara, takarakuji o kaenai.
はいそうですしんぱいなくてもいいです。あなた二にやとたら、たからくじを買えない。


You've confused the word 心配/しんぱい As a verb.
By itself it's a noun. The verb structure for it is 心配する。
So you should rewrite that as 心配しなくてもいいです。

I just brushed over your work though. While it is simple enough to understand, you have to be wary of present/future tense. And you also mix up a bit of casual japanese with the Teineigo丁寧語 です/ます Form. I do this a lot myself, but if you're being graded it's good practice to stick to one depending on the situation.

...

April 22, 2008 @ 02:32 AM
Replicant

Post: 366

Join Date: Jan 2008

Location: Sydney / Nagano

Bleh didn't read your second post. Boo-urns.

E: Yes it is. You don

...

March 1, 2010 @ 12:11 PM
extra13

Post: 23

Join Date: Mar 2010

cool

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